“Media Rating Sites” and Living for Art

For quite some time, I’ve been very invested in a particular kind of website (I’m calling them “media rating sites”) that allows you to find books, albums, tv shows etc. that you’ve seen and assign them a rating based on your enjoyment of them. Goodreads is a familiar example of this, and I also frequent RateYourMusic and MyAnimeList. Each of these sites have millions of users and their main function is to allow you to catalogue everything you read/watch/listen to and even organize them in terms of your opinion of them. The latter two are also very helpful in helping users find quality content, as they compile the collective ratings of all users to generate lists of what the community deems the best albums and shows, respectively. RateYourMusic shines in particular here, as you can even narrow the lists to specific genres and/or time periods you might be interested in. I think these websites are excellent tools for avid fans of any of these hobbies but I’ve also become increasingly curious about how this type of routine of logging the things we use to pass the time might influence my lifestyle habits and the attitudes I bring to the pastimes.

I think the most obvious impact of using these sights is that they make much more prevalent the sense of accomplishment we get from gaining a working knowledge of a genre or medium. To be sure, there’s nothing new about taking pride in being “well-read” but I think being able to refer back to your lifetime history of books read changes the equation. It becomes quantitative and, should a user take advantage of the social media dimension of these sights, they can see whom among their friends has read the most. And, even as someone who doesn’t use these features, I still feel a small burst of pleasure as I see my number of episodes viewed uptick, almost as though I were reaching for a high score in an arcade game.

How should I feel about this? Is this a case in which I should doubt the satisfaction I’m getting, feeling suspicious about how such an irrational pleasure deteriorates my mind? Even before using sites like these, I still found a sense of purpose in exploring different art forms and varieties of expression. I’m an ex-literature major after all, so I shouldn’t begrudge myself the joy of learning about art just because I’m not in school now. However, this seems like a very charitable way to describe sitting in my boxers watching Dragon Ball Z filler at 2am. Not to unduly disparage Dragon Ball, it certainly has its place in the history of pop culture, but I think permitting any and all time spent watching anime, listening to music, or reading to count as meaningful time, regardless of the quality of my experience, dangerously muddies one’s sense of what time well spent should feel like.

I don’t regret budgeting a lot of time for the things that I enjoy, but it’s important that I not let my viewing habits become perfunctory. If spending time with art is worthwhile, that’s because it gives you a new experience or allows you to think about a given subject in a new way. And I think these websites can help me do those things exactly, provided that I don’t permit my desire to have knowledge about the things I enjoy get in the way of my actual enjoyment of them. When I’m partially motivated by the desire to boost my profile by racking up new albums, it’s easy to tune out or pay due attention to what I’m listening to because, in the end, I still get to count that album. The crucial difference between listening carefully and mindlessly flooding my subconscious with sound becomes lost in the course of this activity. Too many times have I been asked whether I’ve heard a particular album and felt embarrassment that I hadn’t or, worse yet, actually pretended that I had. I still feel the appeal of establishing myself as a knowledgeable connoisseur of different art forms, but when my eagerness to achieve that status undermines my actual appreciation of what I consume, that’s when all those hours logged in front of the television screen really start to look sad.

Ideally, I’ll grow out of my phase of running through “the canon” as quickly as possible and, instead, find a more deliberate way of approaching my experience of art. There’s certainly value in familiarizing myself with genres and understanding what makes the great works great, but that should ultimately be mere preparation for finding works of art that satisfy the curiosities and questions that I find on my own, rather than simply running the gamut of everything that has met critical acclaim. As it stands, I hesitate even to reread books that I love on the grounds that there’s still so much that I haven’t read yet, and while new books obviously have their own charm, the attitude of trying to read everything that the cumulative sights like Goodreads can encourage, for a young, aspiring intellectual like myself, fosters an impulse to put the appearance of knowledge and sophistication above the earnest search for wisdom that should be art’s main purpose.

None of this is to say that I plan to abandon these websites or to drastically reduce my time spent on them. On the contrary, I still believe them to be invaluable resources for connecting myself with new media in which I may take an interest. I’ll even continue rating things and maintaining my catalogue, if only to exert my small vector of influence on the overall ratings for each piece. I already see the futility in commending myself for boosting my numbers on any of these platforms, and so all that need be prescribed is intermittent reminders to take time with art and allow it to be for me what was intended. If I do that, I’m certain to take more and more lessons from those wiser than me and then, rather than living for art, I can find out how properly to live with it.

Authenticity and Inviting Reproach in Nekomonogatari: Kuro

CW: Parental abuse

While I wouldn’t normally look to the Monogatari series for serious psychological analysis, I was struck by a comment made by Oshino in the last episode of the “Tsubasa Family” arc which, incidentally, also constitutes the end of the first season of the anime adaptation. Some might not consider Nekomonogatari: Kuro required viewing but, having just finished the “Tsubasa Tiger” arc that begins the second season, I contend that the continuity between these two Hanekawa-centered arcs gives us a lot of insight into her character and, what’s more, some useful ideas for understanding the Monogatari series as a whole, in all its scatterbrained, often incomprehensible grandeur.

So, anyway, what does Oshino say? Giving an account of the Hanekawa family disfunction, he claims that the violence Hanekawa endures at her father’s hands is, basically, her own fault. Ouch. Bearing in mind that you really just cannot say things like that in real life, let’s see his reasoning. Oshino maintains that this violence is understandable because of the psychological damage of constantly living with Hanekawa, someone who is unquestionably better than them in every way. And, indeed, Hanekawa seems damn near perfect a lot of the time, effortlessly maintaining her role as Student Council President, gaining the affections of virtually every character in the show, and bringing a seemingly bottomless pool of knowledge to bear in every situation. Fans will be familiar with her signature line, “I don’t know everything. I only know what I know,” which carries just the kind of modesty we’d expect from a good-natured genius like Hanekawa. To be sure, no one in their right mind would concur with Oshino that she is deserving of censure on any of these accounts, let alone physical abuse, but there may be an astute observation about healthy self-relation and relationships with others embedded within Oshino’s remark.

In response to Araragi’s consternation at this suggestion, Oshino urges him to consider the impact of living with such an angelic figure for eighteen years as her parents had. For Araragi and the viewer, Hanekawa appears sporadically in the series as merely one item in the rotating Araragi harem that propels the series rather than an anchoring presence for the show. In short, she enters the story only semi-frequently and we don’t spend as much time with her as we do Araragi. For us, she’s contained within the trope of the pure virgin without which no anime harem is complete, and so this flavor-of-the-day need not occasion reflections on how our own moral fiber stacks up against hers. Taken seriously, the implications of a character like Hanekawa depart rather surprisingly from the impression she leaves on us during her time being ogled onscreen.

So while we may rightly hesitate to empathize with Hanekawa’s abuser, Oshino may be on to something when he envisions the frustrations that may come with having her divine light constantly throwing one’s all too human flaws into harsh relief. He explains that Hanekawa suffered this abuse because her unflagging perfection had turned the household into “a hell where their flaws and immaturity are constantly exposed.” She must use that incredible intelligence of hers, Oshino reasons, to act tactfully as a witness of her parents’ sin, even if their folly is, to her, incomprehensible. We are given a brief glimpse into this domestic violence as Hanekawa, after being bloodied by a blow from her father, simply responds, “Father, you shouldn’t hit a girl’s face.” Oshino regards Hanekawa’s response as a prime example of how this family went wrong. If we can assume that Hanekawa’s father has the capacity for shame or guilt, Hanekawa gives him no opportunity to experience these emotions, as she remains completely unphased and gently rebukes the behavior like a mother whose son has just snuck out past his bedtime. They cannot be loving parents to her because A) there isn’t a single thing they could possibly teach her; and B) her virtuousness almost sets her apart from humanity altogether, precluding the type of connection that we can know only in the mutual flaws that make us human. In Oshino’s words, “she’s so right that it’s scary and it makes you cringe” and, if you accept his logic, condemns the rest of us always to be wrong.

Now, should we accept this line of thought, we must also ask whether she can really be held responsible for this state of affairs and her parents’ actions. When he hears about Hanekawa’s reaction to the beating, he emphatically agrees with Oshino that she has not given a proper response. However, from Araragi’s point of view, the response is wrong not because it steeps Hanekawa’s parents in even deeper shame, but because she compounds her own suffering by denying herself the expression of her own internal anguish. And Hanekawa’s repressed nature is well-established, as the emergence of the Meddlecat with which she is bonded discharges all the stress and sexual frustration she carries with her throughout the series. Maybe she just needs to vent and she would cease to be the fearsome angel who puts her family to shame. Surely we all have things that we hold inside, but perhaps it’s the incredible poise with which Hanekawa accomplishes this that’s so unnerving. We’ve all heard the words “nobody’s perfect” but this may be the one life lesson that Hanekawa has failed to take to heart.

In this regard, Araragi emerges as a useful foil for Hanekawa. On the one hand, he’s made out to be a deeply altruistic and self-sacrificial figure at times, constantly putting his well-being and even his life at risk to save his friends. However, his moral goodness is tempered by his sexual deviancy, as he frequently chases after prepubescent girls, including his younger sisters, and breaches the laws of consent. In fact, during his conversation with Oshino, he insists that lust is his main motivation for helping Hanekawa, denying and virtuous intentions. Now, he’s hardly convincing in this moment–I think we all know that he really is driven by a desire to help his friend–but he nonetheless succeeds in demonstrating the uniqueness of his personality: the contradictory union of an uncalculating devotion to others and a craven sexual desire that allows him to use others for his own pleasure.

Now, a word about all of this. Clearly, some of Araragi’s antics are just totally unforgivable. They’re the reason I’m sometimes embarrassed about being a fan of this series. While these moments, in conjunction with all the gratuitous fan service, can be partly explained as expressions of the powerful libidos we often find in young men like Araragi, that doesn’t make them any less objectionable. And for those viewers who are drawn to the series by these moments in particular, this post is simply not for you. That being said, I think these problematic behaviors nonetheless comprise an intentional aspect of Araragi’s character, one that makes him a strangely realistic depiction of young male psychology, unsavory though it may be. Both his sense of justice and his sex drive are pushed to the extreme, and so both might be understood as representations of the overzealous youthfulness many of us have known. This, I think, is what makes Araragi realistic, in spite and, indeed, because of how exaggerated his portrayal can be.

So, then, back to Hanekawa. If Araragi embodies the foolish idealism and the raging hormones of adolescence, Hanekawa acts in a way that might have us believe she skipped over this part of life altogether. Indeed, her attraction to Araragi may stem in part from his natural ability to channel both of these aspects of his personality freely and still navigate apparently healthy relationships in spite of it. There might be an element of patriarchy involved here, i.e. Araragi’s flaws are excused in a way that Hanekawa’s won’t be, but it remains the case that an embrace of her own selfish needs may be what Hanekawa needs. This is what it will take for her to come down to earth and become a more authentic individual and leave behind her former life as a mere character trope. Once the class prez allows herself to get a little dirty, we step into uncharted territory, but, then again, exploring oneself should always involve breaking new ground.

And, in the end, Hanekawa finally begins to exhibit some of the same duality that Araragi exemplifies. Having come to an understanding of the centrality of vice and desire to who she is, she attains a more complete identity, one which allows a complete expression of self rather than subjecting her to a lifetime of taxing self-restraint. She wears the vestiges of her hypersexual alter ego with new traces of white in her hair, demonstrating the reality of the person that intertwines her usual persona with the everything within her she had rejected hitherto. In this way, she accepts herself as an “aberration” just like Araragi and the rest of the gang. While she’ll surely carry on with her duties as always, we know now that such a strain can give gray hairs even to an angel like her. And that makes all the difference.

Why’s and How’s

So for my first real post, I want to take some time to think about what it is that I’m doing and why I think this will be a worthwhile pastime for me. As I said in my introductory post a few days ago, I envision these blog posts to be personal writing and thinking exercises to help me make deeper, more coherent sense of my thoughts. I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I’m doing and seeing, and I consider it a joy but, that being said, I think putting those inchoate thoughts into complete sentences will be much more rewarding than just having the impressions of a thought materialize and fade away without receiving the concentration they deserve.

I’ll primarily be writing about arts and humanities and the take-away’s that make them worthwhile for me. While I’ll certainly evaluate the different media I’m writing about, I want to be really clear that these aren’t reviews. I think that reviews are a tad more indulgent than the type of reflection that I want to do. I don’t think that anyone should really care about my opinion too much and reviews, to me, seem to carry an implicit stance of “I think this thing is good/bad for the following reasons and you should agree.” Most of the time a review hinges on someone agreeing with the stated opinion or accepting the reviewer as a credible authority on the art form in question.

I want to do something more along the lines of interpretation and I think the critical difference is that I’ll be trying to bring out an interesting aspect of a show or book that will enrich other people’s experience of it, should they keep my observations in mind. So my writing will normally be complementary in like manner to a positive review, but I hope to be able to offer some modest advice on how to read/watch something rather than assessing whether something is worth the effort. That’s what good criticism should do–the value of writing about art should be apparent from the depths of experience it enables, not from the language one uses to laud or excoriate the work of another person.

I hope that writing will be a good creative outlet for me and help me continue to enjoy critical thinking and reflection now that I don’t have an academic environment demanding that of me. I also think that, when I choose to write about more personal subjects, that the concerted act of writing and forcing out an expression of something will help me be more in touch with myself and the different people and things in my life. While giving advice on how to properly write a paper, a professor of mine once said that when you run up against a thought or idea that you can’t quite put into words, that’s the place you need to press up against and return again and again until it comes out. That’s a sign of an underlying something that’s probably deeper and more interesting than the first round of ideas to pop into our heads. Normally the best way to do access those elusive ideas is just to write. You’ll inevitably, miss the mark at first, but every stage of writing is productive for the mind, and so persistence will eventually be rewarded with that nugget of insight you knew was there.

And not only do I think writing as an exercise can resolve a conceptual block like in philosophy class, I also think that personal writing can tease out dormant emotions. It would require, and I know this image is almost contradictory, but it would require an almost machine-like commitment to catharsis to discharge one’s underlying emotions as often as we should. I can only speak for myself, but I think a lot of us carry an unbelievable tension within ourselves that we’re almost not conscious of. We often lack the time and energy needed to prioritize our emotional well-being and so I hope that beginning to write habitually and perhaps mindlessly like this will allow me to address what’s going on with me a little more often. It’s true that my thoughts will probably just be about anime to begin with, but, the way I see it, making a habit of externalizing thoughts and ideas can only steer me in the right direction.

I think I’ll end with a word about the title I’ve chosen for my blog: Insights & Outsights. I offer this so that I can partially exculpate myself the accusation that I consider myself to be a uniquely insightful person or any such pretensions. I do want to try to capture the unique ideas I have about the things I do and see just because I do enjoy analyzing things, hence the “Insights,” but I also want “Outsights” to have some significance aside from this play on words. Rather than posturing as someone who can penetrate to the deeper significance of things, I would rather exhibit a kind of curiosity through what I write, an “out-sight” being an experience of something outside of my usual frame or reference. I’m in the middle of such an experience now teaching in Macau, and I hope I can maintain the humility to continue seeing things as new and respecting their uniqueness as such even after I return to the Midwest. I hope to think well and express my ideas, but never value them so highly that I forget to credit the astounding world around me that never runs out of this food for thought.

Welcome!

Hello…NSA? Russian spies? As of yet, no one else could possibly be looking at this new blog of mine. The only reason I’m churning out this hasty first post is that I couldn’t bear to leave the default WordPress template right on the front of something I hope to be proud of in a few months’ time. It was cute, but it alarmed my delicate sense of originality.

On the off chance that someone finds there way here other than my friends and family, I’ll introduce myself. My name is Nick Nurre and I’m starting up a blog so that I can record my thoughts and, hopefully, train myself to think a little more deeply. I’m currently a new college graduate, living in Macau (a Chinese territory) for a year-long teaching gig/cultural exchange thing, so people will probably expect me to write all about that, but I’m not so sure. Whenever I have spare mental energy, I ordinarily expend it thinking about something I’m reading, watching, or listening to rather than my actual surroundings, so this will probably turn into an art/media blog. But I’ll leave things pretty open. I’m not especially interested in gaining a following, so this blog will either become a dumping ground for whatever I want to talk about or fade into complete obscurity. It’s no use crying over abandoned webpages, after all.

Hopefully I get back on here soon. If I do, I might give a better statement of purpose for the blog. Not that this is grad school material, but I feel obliged to offer some kind of justification for doing something as indulgent as blogging, even if it’s ultimately just a digital diary for my own musings.

Do svidaniya.